Paranoid Park (Limited Release)

A kid tries to figure things out after the accidental killing of a guard in Paranoid Park, a local skate park. The film is directed by Gus van Saint who also did Elephant (which I highly recommend).

I wouldn't call this a bad film. It works really well and I like the way the story is told and what the director is trying to do but it does falter a bit due to the acting.

The kids really do try but it comes off as they really trying to act normal and it doesn't come across right for the film. It's a shame to because I think I would have enjoyed it even more if it felt more real. But still, worth a rental if you're into the more indie type of film.

Entertainment Value - 2.5 /5

Movie - 2.5 /5

Mostly Ghostly (Bonus Review)

I'm a huge R.L. Stine fan but I haven't finished this book series so I don't know how close it ties everything up but it seemed to capture the mood and characters fine. It's a fun kids movie about a kid being haunted by two kids and an evil man may have killed them and their parents so they are trying to find a way to stop him from unleashing all ghosts.

It's a fine movie. The kids give a solid performance while the adults ham it up a bit too much but it works for the target audience. I'd recommend it to parents looking for a decent kids film. It really reminds me of Stine's film from last year which I need to pick up still but can't remember the name. Hopefully next year we get another fine offering.

entertainment value - 3/5

movie - 3/5

Transporter 3

I love Jason Statham. He could be in a toilet for 2 hours and I'm sure I'd still find it entertaining. I liked the original film, thought the sequel was so so and this just puts the nail in the coffin because I think the series has runs its course.

The plot is unoriginal. The dialog is laughable and despite a few okay fight scenes I never thought "wow" like I did with the original and its oil scene but hey we can't all be awesome.

I'd recommend the new Bond over this one or wait for Crank 2 in a few months because this one isn't worth seeing.

Entertainment Value - 2/5

Movie - 2/5

Twilight

I've read the entire Twilight quadrilogy. So I think I can give this film a fair assessment. With that being said I wouldn't call it a bad adaptation.

What it really does is show that the first novel (and the rest as well) have very little substance to it. The 2 hours fly by but nothing happens.

It's a vampire story about abstinence and it's really kind of pointless. Bella is a major skank virgin, she wants some vampire cock but he doesn't want to give it up.

The film works well enough and is one of the better vampire films yet lacks any real vampire action outside the finale.

The special effects are also kind of sad. A scene in the novel is where Edward shows Bella why he can't be out in sunshine. it seriously looks like they put glitter on his chest and in no way makes him super sparkle, like the novel suggests. Hell, if I say him in the daylight I'd think he was a gay dance queen.

Some of the other makeup is bad as well. Edward's "father" looks laughable. He's an uber pasty guy and looks way to odd. The theater even burst into laughter when he appeared for the first time.

Fans will love this movie but frankly, it has no real plot, no substance and if you're looking for the next harry Potter (which this film bumped into the summer) then you better not hold your breath.

Entertainment Value - 2/5

Movie - 2/5

Garden Party (limited release)

I saw a trailer for this and really wanted to see it and like most movies worth two shits it got a very limited release and never came near me, unless you count the 2 hours drive into NYC as close.

Anyway, the film is about some teens growing up in Hollywood. I know, it doesn't sound interesting but it reminds me of a mix of Dawson's Creek meets Crash (the Oscar winner, not the sex flick).

The acting is fine, I really enjoyed the soundtrack and I was compelled for the entire film which is something few films have been able to do this year. I'd recommend a definite rental so once it hits dvd check it out.

Entertainment value - 3/5

movie - 4/5

My Name is Bruce (Limited Release)

One of Bruce Campbell's biggest fans is out with some pals and unleash an evil Asian ghost who wants revenge on all relatives of the person who released him. Oddly enough we're in a small Oregon town where the entire population of 339 is all related. Well this fan takes it upon himself to go and kidnap Bruce Campbell himself to fight this monster. Problem is, Bruce is just an actor and he thinks this is a new film.

The films highlight is that it nevr takes itself seriously, the blood pours out and the dismembered hands go for boob grabs. There's even musical numbers and 4D moments. I have to say that while I'm a BC fan I find a lot of his movie choices to be ass. Bubba Ho-tep is a hated film of mine but god damn this movie is gold. I'll proudly put this one in my collection and cheesey horror fans and BC fans alike should check this one out.

Entertainment Value - 5/5

Movie - 4/5

Passangers (limited release)

This movie came and went. It was a limited release with so little marketing I had only a vague remembrance of it. I wish it had stayed that way though because now I feel like I need my 90 minutes back.

It's not that it's a terrible film. No, it's just we've seen it fifty million times since The Sixth Sense (OMG SPOILERS) and frankly if you didn't see it coming then you're dumb.

The actors just fake their way through this, grin and bare it and move on. It won't be remembered, no one will go "dude/chick, you like so have to rent this" because no one will care. It exists and that's bad enough all on it's own.

entertainment value - 0/5

movie - 1/5

Bolt

As I've said many times before I am a huge Disney whore and actually this film looked highly amusing to me if not for the hamster awesome factor.

To be fair this is almost a carbon copy of the film "Firehouse Dog" but this is more about a dog who believes everything he does is real, think Truman Show in a dogs point of view and you know what? It works because some how the film is still able to tug the heart strings between the laughs.

Not original in the least but it was still a lot of fun. Don't bother with the 3D version (which is how I saw it) because it's barely used. I do recommend a viewing and kids should really enjoy themselves.

Entertainment Value - 4/5

movee - 4/5

Soul Men

Fuck you you fucking fucktard fucker. That may have been a line from this film. I have no problem with cursing in films, I use a lot of it in a day to day basis. However, it seems overly abundant in this film and for n real reason. As if a 13 year old wrote it.

Besides that it's a tired story, with sex jokes being the only mildly humorous moments in the entire film and a crap cast that annoys me. Yes, it features two now dead people but who cares...

Entertainment value - 0/5

movie - 1/5

Fly Me To The Moon (limited release)

This film took 3 months to hit my theater where it played for 1 show a day for 2 weeks. That's it so I figured I'd never see it. Well I now have and I could have lived without it. Maybe it was better in 3d since I believe it's the first film to be made for 3D from the beginning.

It's a rather boring film. Never really goes anywhere and has no real plot. I could have gone without ever seeing this film but now I have. Not recommended at all. There was much kid films this year than this drivel so don't even bother renting it in a few weeks when it hits video stores.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5

Vacancy 2: The First Cut (advance DTV review, due in 2009)

I enjoyed the original Vacancy film. Sure it wasn't great or original but it was a fun watch, only ruined by a crappy ending but that's all too common these days.

With this film I'm unsure if it's a sequel or prequel but I'm guessing it's a prequel. The plot is ass, has almost nothing to do with the original besides location. The acting is bad, mainly the Asian cast in the beginning and things just went down from there.

I say avoid this film when it comes out a few months from now. There are so many better films to waste your life with than this one.

Entertainment Value - 0/5

Movie - .5 /5

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

I find Kevin Smith to be hit or miss. His films are either piss your pants funny or groan worthy. Thankfully this film leans more towards the piss your pants funny. Two long time friends decide to make a porno so they can afford their rent, heat and power.

It's a rom com at it's core but it also tries to be as dirty as it can. Simulated sex is all over and it's down right funny. The one liners tend to zing and some had me keeping track of how god damn funny they were.

I highly recommend this one. Seth Rogan tends to rock in everything he touches lately and he's just perfect as the average joe. Might be leaning towards being typecast but I don't think so just yet.

Entertainment Value - 4/5

Movie - 4/5

The Dutchess

Knightley so needs to get out of her type casted roles because I'm sick of seeing her playing some chick in some old time period. It's boring and over down and when you do it every time, it truly feels like the same film over and over again.

And that's what this film feels like. A rehash of every single one before it. A mix of The Countess and The other Bolyne Girl. It's just meh... I have nothing else to say about it.

Entertainment Value - 2/5

Movie - 2/5

The House Bunny

Ah, yet another movie that has lead to my almost failure. Not that I have any hope of seeing every major release by December 31st but one can dream.

Anyway, I actually wanted to see this. I like Anna Farris. However, it just didn't do anything for me. It's a tired plot. Person tries to save something, has secrets, someone lies ect. Nothing original here but a few of the jokes works.

I really have nothing else to say. It's a big let down but not a horrible film. It just kind of exists out there.

Entertainment Value - 2/5

Movie - 2/5

Role Models

I like the cast of this film. SWS is rather funny and Cook tends to be enjoyable. So I had moderate hopes for this one and while it isn't laugh your ass off funny, it's entertaining enough.

It does enough right to stay original and not feel like a total clone but it still has moments where I felt like I'd seen it so many times before and sure a few things are just twisted around versions of another (IE, the battle scenes felt like another movie that had civil war reenactments in it, just can't remember what movie)

Either way it's worth a viewing but perhaps on video.

entertainment value - 3.5 /5

movie - 3/5

007: Quantum of Solace

I love Bond. I'm a pretty big fan. With that being said this was my second most anticipated film of 2008. Only beaten by the new Harry Potter which was pushed until summer 2009.

Well, guess what? This was a total let down. It feels nothing like a bond film and more like a film along the lines of "The Transporter", which oddly enough is being released this month.

Classic Bond lines and characters are missing. it's the shortest film in the series long run and while the action is none stop balls to the walls, it just feels like there is nothing else to it.

Entertainment Value - 2.5 /5

Movie - 2.5 /5

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

I didn't care for the original Madagascar film but hey, second times the charm right? Well, kind of I guess. The highlight yet again is the Move It Move It number but thankfully it happens in the first 10 minutes.

My main problem with the film, besides being somewhat boring is that it feels like the longest animated film ever and really, it's kind of short.

It's far from the entertainment value that Wall-E provided but it was okay. I can't recommend a theatrical viewing but dvd should be fine. You could do betetr and worse.

Entertainment Value - 2/5

Movie - 2.5 /5

Open Season 2 (bonus review)

I didn't like the original but hey this one has more focus on Mr. Wiener which amusing me greatly. Sadly the animation is a load of ass and I can't even describe how odd it all looks. Like a cross between 2d, 3d and cell shading and then mixed as it went down the shitter.

Kids may enjoy the film but I found it annoying how each animal had to have a fake accent which some were borderline offensive but hey it's America, we can may as racist as we want but show us some tits and we freak out.

NOTE: there are no tits in the film Open Season 2. It just sucks all around and shouldn't never enter your dvd player. Don't allow your children to watch crap.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

movie - 1/5

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Simon Pegg is a comedy god. I love Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Two of the funniest movies I've seen. This movie also had me inetrested with his Hollywood-esq theme and rules. However it really isn't very funny.

I found Pegg's character to be more annoying than anything else. The plot is paper thin and is exactly the same as ever rom com before it. You know where it's going, where it will end and what will happen along the way.

I say pass it all the way. Not worth seeing.

Entertainment Value - .5 /5

Movie - 1/5

Quarantine

For my recent horror film challenge I was the original film (REC). While this is pretty much a shot by shot remake, it went into production while the original was just finishing up so not a true technical remake but it still is.

Oddly enough the original is still a vastly superior film. The acting is stronger. You like the main character in (REC) but in Quarantine Dexter's sister just hams it up and it becomes very cheesy.

I found the original downright scary while this one uses very weak noises and other things that don't deliver. The scream of the old lady was bone chilling in the original while it's laughable in this one. The films trailer not only ruins the ending (as does the poster art) but it runs any twist the movie had going for it.

So all in all this is a subpar film. I highly recommend (REC) over this one so I'd say pass this one up unless you're desperate for something just okay...

Entertainment Value - 2/5

Movie - 2/5

House

I never heard of this film and passed it over as a direct to video movie. However I guess it isn't. It's an okay film. Based off a book of the same name by the guy who wrote Monster. I've read Monster but not House but let me tell you, 20 minutes into the film I realized how this movie was going to go.

I can respect that religious people want blood and guts as much as the next. Monster was a fine enough book if not for the heavy Catholic themes. Well, House, which is about a character named the tinman hunting two couples down in a house, could have been awesome and it does a few things okay.

Until the "plot twist" where it's revealed that OH MY GOD they are satanists!!!!... Yeah... Okay... Thanks for wasting my time...

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 2/5

Expelled

This was one of those films that came out of nowhere and yet my theater did get it. It's a documentary that while I wouldn't say it's worth watching, it's still an entertaining film. if it's your cup of tea.

It's basically a documentary about science vs religion but it doesn't really seem to bash one side or the other and tries to give a fair view of it all. Either way watch it if you can on video, unless you're a religious zealot then please avoid it because I don't want emails from you.

Entertainment Value - 3/5

Movie - 3/5

Body of Lies

I like Crowe as an actor. I love Decaprio post Titanic and Ridley Scott is an awesome director but how does this film fail? Well, I'll blame it on a been there done that plot line. It reminds me of Spygames from a number of years ago with Redford and perhaps Pitt?

Anyway, it's a tired plot with a great cast that does a fine job but even the directing feels half assed and rushed. I wouldn't bother with this one. It did nothing for me.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 2/5

The Secret Life of Bees

I really enjoyed the novel this film is based on. I was annoyed right away by trailers ruining the endings yet again. Seriously Hollywood, the film should be able to stand on it's first half hour being shown in the trailers. Leave the good stuff for when yuo go to see it.

With that being said I think the film did a fine job bringing the book to the big screen. It's not perfect and while the acting is good I felt the musical bits were forced for the sake of whatever her name is from American Idol.

I don't know what else to say. It's a total chick flick about coming to terms and blah blah blah. Nice date movie and I'd recommend a video rental if nothing else.

Entertainment Value - 3/5

Movie - 3.5 /5

Pride & Glory

Stop me if you've heard this before. A good cop bad cop family affair. Have you seen this before? Most likely and the biggest shame is that the cast is wasted. Granted I hate Colin Ferrall (why must he continue to attempt this "acting" thing he does?

Anyway, the film is so predictable and been there done that, that it just isn't worth the time to watch it. I was bored and restless the entire time, waiting for something original to happen and it never does.

PASS

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5

Beer for my Horses (LIMITED RELEASE)

I dislike Toby Keith a lot. I enjoy some of his older music but as I person I think he's a flaming hemorrhoid. But hey, at least he can act right? Well no and making a film based off a crap song doesn't come off as a good idea either.

I would love to tell you what this film was about but I don't know. Granted I watched it over a week ago but my thoughts after it ended were "What was that movie about". The only thing still clear in my mind is a random scene of a white guy in a stall in the mens room singing while he pees and a group of black men are otuside harmonizing and he comes out and continues his soulful signing... Seriously...

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5

November Release Dates

Some hits and misses here. We'll see how it all turns out. I'm behind for October and I still need to see one from August. Pretty caught up on limited releases though.

7th - soul men
7th - Madagascar 2
7th - role models
7th - house
14th - quantum of solace
21st - bolt
21st - Twilight
26th - four Christmases
26th - Australia
28th - transporter 3

Miracle of St. Anna

I actually watched this one today so it's fresher in my mind than my last 5 or so reviews but still. I find Spike Lee to be an arrogant douchbag. I did like Sumemr of Sam, which his fans hate and I admit it isn't exactly a good film either.

Well, with this movie I just couldn't get into it. It's too long, too slow and I just didn't care. The acting at times was painful and the dialog is rather bland and uninteresting.

I say pass this one up. Don't even bother with the dvd, he's made better films than this.

entertainment value - 1/5

movie 1.5/5

Appaloosa

I'm on a losing streak here guys. I'm not a western fan but I've seen a few good ones recently due to the IMDB top 250 and a few of the recent ones have been good as well. This one falls into a gray area really.

it kind of just exsists. I would never see it again. It's far from being worth while and the acting is stiff at times. I like the cast though and it looks pretty good but in the past 2 years we got much better westerns.

A near dead genre for sure but a good western is one that actually entertains me and this one didn't. Fans of the genre should rent it but it isn't worth the theatrical price.

entertainment value - 1/5

movie - 2/5