Sunday, September 28, 2008

Eagle Eye

I actually wanted to see this film. Looked like a fun mindless film. Well, I guess it got mindless right but I found it all to be kind of dull.

Government conspiracy, evil satellites, computers and two heroes on the run. It's so meh and it never goes anywhere and that's the films biggest flaw. It has something but never uses it to its advantage.

It really reminds me of the film "Stealth" and anyone who has seen that movie will tell you that it is never worth seeing. Saying Eagle Eye is wortha video rental would be pressing it ebcause frankly, it just kind of exists.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5

Friday, September 26, 2008

Joy Ride 2 (advance bonus review)

I love the original Joy Ride. A total guilty pleasure and I'm okay with admitting I own it and have seen it a number of times. I was actually excited for this sequel despite going DTV (which is rarely a good sign. Thankfully the film could have been a theatrical release if it wasn't for the iffy last 10 minutes or so (shot wise, special effects and basic plot problems).

It's a shame to because I'd almost say this is better than the original. Four friends end up "borrow" a vehicle for a quick JoY Ride and they piss off Rustynail, a truck driver. It's a simple plot but it becomes a game of cat and mouse (much like the original) but instead it's way more deadly and the games and gore are pretty good. The rod scene looks a bit fake but oh well.

I'd highly recommend this to fans of the original or someone looking for a decent thriller. It's better than a lot of the stuff we've gotten in the theater this year.

Entertainment Value - 3.5 /5

Movie - 3.5 /5

Rest Stop 2 (advance bonus review)

I didn't care much for the original film. This film some how corrects every problem the original had, screws up the things the original did do well and gives us such a crap ending that I can't even fathom why I bothered with this title.

When a DTV title gets a DTV sequel you should just know it won't be good but I'm just in the mood for horror films (which is a good thing, where the hell is Midnight Meat Train? god damn limited releases...)

The acting is subpar and the plot picks up 1 year after the original. The brother of the dude from the first decides to hunt for him. He teams up with his best bud and his chick. A lot is explained about the original but the whole eyeball thing was so absurd I can't imagine the brainstorming for that crap...

entertainment Value - 2/5

Movie - 1.5 /5

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Lakeview Terrace

I hate Sam jackson. He's a god awful actor that some how is loved by bajillions. Whatever, he sucks. I had no interest in this film. I do like Patrick Wilson but he keeps picking crap roles these days.

Plot is simple. a bi-racial couple moves next door to a cop who may or may not be bad. The film itself wouldn't be as bad as it is was it not for the final 10 minutes which throws the entire film under a bus and then pisses upon it.

It's rare for an ending to ruin a film but I felt the ending to this one just takes away everything the film, and the scenes before it attempted to portray and instead it kind of cops out on the ending and goes down the same ole route of crap. Avoid this one boys and girls, it isn't worth your money.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1.5 /5

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Visitor (limited release)

This was one of those films that had a lot of trailers and then got a limited release. Why tease the market and then never deliver it outside of NY/LA? Either way got my hands on the dvd and it's one of the best films of the year so far.

Much like the other films I've reviewed it seems like if it didn't leave the limited release bracket then it was probably good. It's a shame too because this was a very well done film. The acting is tight and while the plot is simple, it really works.

Everyone is likable and the pacing of the film is smooth. yeah, it doesn't have a lot of substance but it still has a decent story to tell. I'd highly recommend this one.

entertainment value - 4/5

movie - 4.5 / 5

Pulse 2: Afterlife (advance bonus review)

Because the original wasn't sucky enough we had to get a direct to video sequel. This one picks up right where the original (as in the remake) left off. Who cares because no one saw the original.

To get the entire idea of this film, watch The Happening, released earlier this year. it feels like a lame ripoff of that mixed with some ghost themes. The ghosts also look like crap (worst I've ever seen).

But hey, people will still buy/rent this despite it being one of the worst horror films to arrive in a number of years. Hey, at least it has boobies... I'll give it half a star for boobies...

entertainment Value - .5/ 5

Movie - .5 / 5

Friday, September 19, 2008

Ghost Town

I love Ricky Gervaise. I've seen him live twice and enjoyed the show both times. I had to go see this and my crappy local theater didn't have it and I had just driven 45 minutes for VCB the day before but dammit I had to see this one.

Comedies this year have mostly been misses but I must say this was the best comedy of 2008 so far. The dialog is funny and delivered as only Gervaise can. He's a likable guy who says and does unlikeable things but lets face it, don't we all want to do or say what this character does?

After dying for 7 minutes and being brought back to life our hero finds that he can see dead people and they want something, mainly one whose wife lives in the same building as him. Problem is he Gervaise's character hates all people, living and dead so it's all about coming out of your comfort zone.

I enjoyed the film a lot. I found it funny (as did the audience, which is rare) and the hooting never seemed to end in the middle of the film. It's hard to imagine someone as average as Gervaise playing a love interest and yet it works because it isn't truly about that in the end.

Entertainment value - 5/5

Movie - 4.5 /5

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I'm a recent Woody Allen fan. I haven't seen most of his older films but I've enjoyed all of his new ones. This is no exception either as I was hooked after the first two minutes. The first two minutes had me worried and then it all fell into place.

Two female best friends find themselves spending two weeks in Barcelona. One is engaged while the other is a lover of the bad boy. They meet an artist who offers to fly them to a remote island for a weekend and wants some sweet loving. They agree to come along but don't promise sex.

Actually, only Cristina wants to come along and Vicky just joins to keep her friend out of trouble. What many may consider to be predictable turns into something only Allen could pull off.

It's entertainment at it's maximum. The narrative is rich and colorful, bringing the characters to life and it's been a while since I've felt like the main characters in a filma re actually real. You like everyone, including Bardems character who isn't exactly the nicest guy around.

I really enjoyed the film, I think it's one of Allen's best film (that I've seen) and I would highly recommend it. Thus far it's easily in my top 10 of the year.

Entertainment Value - 4.5/ 5

Movie - 5/5

The Family That Preys

It's funny but I watched this five or so days ago and sat here for a few minutes wonder what movie I had seen. I find that Tyler Perry is either hit or miss. Loved his first two films but his later ones were very meh.

I thought the trailer for this looked half way decent. it could be a good movie but as I sat down to watch it the cynic inside me decided to rip it apart. How much from the film is given away in the trailer? Everything but the final five minutes.

I understand that you want to draw the audience to your film but to give everything away is why no one is seeing these films.

Not that there is really a valid reason to be seeing this one because frankly it isn't anything special. It's okay and it actually feels like two films in one. The slutty woman climbing her way to the top and the older white woman finding herself with the black folk.

It may sound racist but any film with a poster of a shadowed persons outline with a white hand choking it might be considered racist anyway. The film has none of that and instead if about a black woman sleeping her way to the top and the problems it causes all around for the families involved. Truth of the matter is that no one cares because we've seen this before.

Three strikes and you're out Mr. Perry. Can you woo me next time or is it game over for you?

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1.5 /5

Friday, September 12, 2008

The Women

How do you remake what many consider to be a classic? Well, you really can't and I imagine that is the reason critics have hated this remake of the 1930's film. But before continuing this review, have you seen the original?

If your answer is no and you're a woman than this film might be for you. I won't sit here and say it's a great film, it isn't. It filled with little plot holes and some of the jokes and situations just don't work. Even the ending feels half assed.

Not to say the cast doesn't try, and it's a mighty fine cast. Well, except Jada Pinkett Smith who I swear can't act her way out of a wet paper bag. I can't understand why she's still able to get a job in Hollywood, did anyone see "woo" or "Scream 2". She was some how able to give the worst death sequence in the history of film in Scream 2. She doesn't fair much better in this film (no she doesn't die.

The one thing I liked about The Women is that is stuck with one idea the original had. There is not a single man in the film. Not in the background, nowhere, everywhere is women. It almost works to and that statement is also almost true except for a brief few seconds at the end but I won't ruin it.

The film uses bad plot devices that just aren't needed. One girl is an open lesbian. Hey, that's fine we all love same sex stuff these days but this has no purpose other than Debra Messing's character trying to straighten her out, in the 10 or so minutes each have on screen. Didn't she do that enough on Will & Grace? Oh and the annoying teen beside me in the theater was totally disgusted when two women kissed.

Anyway, The Women can't compare to the original but as a friend said, you can't remake The Women and have the same film that we had in the 30's because it wouldn't work today. It's a subpar comedy which is still pretty good for what we've gotten in the past few months.

Entertainment Value - 2.5/5

Movie - 2.5/5

Righteous Kill

Deniro and Pacino in a film together. it's something fans have wanted since their brief appearance together in the film "Heat". It's the perfect draw in and frankly I wanted to see the movie for that fact alone so congrats Hollywood because it worked.

Too bad the film isn't worth seeing. It's such a dry film that I can't imagine why these two actors signed on. The script is laughable at times and the dialog is so cliche and trite that I can't fathom why this was made at all.

If you've seen any cop based thriller ever then you know what to expect from this one ebcause it does nothing new and it's a shame because fans are going to feel betrayed but hey, it's been a very crappy year for films (for the most part), lets just keep the crap flowing.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5

Thursday, September 11, 2008

RockNRolla (advance review)

Due out in october is this film, the latest from Guy Ritchie. I actually didn't know he directed this but it kind of explains why I didn't like it.

The director is iffy at times and other times it's downright terrible. The ending shot is one of the worst I've seen in a long time. Not only that but constantly we watch the same scene over and over, it was like the film was looping and while I understand why we had to see it over and over, it really just wasn't needed.

The acting is the only thing that I really have no complaint about, everyone gives a solid performance. Even the passing seems off but it really isn't a god awful film. It just isn't very good. I'll have to say this is a film to maybe rent but it isn't exactly worth ever seeing.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

movie - 1.5 /5

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Alone in the Dark 2 (advance review - due in 2009 DTV)

Got my hands on this bad boy. I enjoyed the cheese factor of the original but hey I'm a Boll fan. With that being said Mr. Boll is only a producer of this title and it shows.

Any sign of awesomeness from knowing the hero from the games is in this movie should be thrown out the window because now he is Asian!!!! Okay, fine... Maybe it isn't that big of a deal.

An ancient key, a dream serer and other crap floods what one might call a plot but it's nothing. Nothing happens in the movie and it has nowhere to go but down.

Add to the fact that not only is the script god awful but the acting makes it some how worse. Thankfully the film does have some mild atmosphere and the special effects are okay but everything else is some of the worst I've ever seen. Avoid this film when it's finally released.

entertainment value - 0/5

Movie - .5 / 5

Monday, September 8, 2008

Bangkok Dangerous

This is a remake of the Asian film by the same name. The Pang brothers are awesome. I love their Eye trilogy and while I didn't see the original of this film, I did enjoy The Messengers which was their first American film.

This film is about a hitman who goes to somewhere in Asia and falls for a girl, screws up his job blah blah blah. Nick Cage does a piss poor job, as his norm lately, and the movie as a whole feels like one of the most shallow experiences this year.

I really have nothing good to say of the film, and while it isn't the worst film this year, this fall or ever made it just doesn't need to exist as it does nothing but take up space.

It's a shame too that the Pang bros. just can't strike gold here in the states but really, they should stick to what they do best over there which is make good movies and not fall into the Hollywood trap.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5

Friday, September 5, 2008

College

This film was suppose to come out in April. Well, that was dumb so they moved it to when college goes back in. Smart move! Too bad the main star is a teen star and it's a R rated film. The target audience is lost and that is why the film flopped.

I'll admit I laughed a few times and maybe it is the best comedy in the past few months but it still isn't very good.

The only amusing part was the glow in the dark poke party but then that makes me wonder why every R comedy must have such a scene. Otherwise we have lots of boobies and we know teen boys love those...

Except this is rated R so besides 5 or so f-bombs and some boobs we get a vehicle for a DOA actor who should just give up. Maybe two flops in 4 months will ruin him.. I can only hope...

I can't recommend this film to anyone. In the past 5 years we have gotten a slew of college films and most are pretty bad, this is yet another and it feels even less inspired than most. Hell, I'd rather rewatch College Road Trip than this...

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

I really enjoyed the original pants film. I liked it enough to go out and buy the four books and loved each for what they were.

I never thought we would get a sequel as the original film flopped and then I was distressed when I heard they were combining three books into one film.

It's actually hit or miss, more miss than I would really prefer but it works well enough. Some sub-plots are dropped or changed. Some happen and end so quickly I had no clue what was happening and due to this the entire final act of the film feels out of place.

Even the acting seems a bit off. i know these girls are good 9see the first film) but they just aren't into it at all. Besides America and the blond chick the rest of the cast is dead right now and blond chick is terrible this time around. Not only that but America walks through her role, the acting in the play is painful and unreal, so much so i couldn't help but question how she even won the role as she comes off as hammy.

I can't say I really enjoyed the film. It's okay for what it is but it loses the heart of the novels and it loses what the original film had going on.

Entertainment Value - 2.5 /5

Movie - 2.5 /5

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Disaster Movie

I sit here trying to watch this film but it some how it's not watchable... It's actually painful and I think for every second it plays a small kitten is swollwed by a rabid monkey.

There is not a single funny moment, not a single redeeming factor to this film. If you thought that one movie was funny from the start of the year (was it Epic Movie? I can't remember).

Either way avoid this shit. it has funny jokes and god aweful musical numbers. The jokes come out of nowhere and just don't work.

Entertainment Value - 0/5

Movie - 0/5

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Babylon A. D .

What can a person say about this film? It flopped in the theaters, it's one of the worst reviewed films of the year and the director announced that it was a steaming pile shit days before it came out.

Is it good? No... Worst movie of the year? It's pretty close but I did miss Kit Kittridge thus far so you never know...

Either way the film starts off mildly inetresting and then the entire cast doesn't give a damn, throws acting out of the window. The visuals start off good as well and then go down hill.

It's as if the film was heading towards something cool but went all Battlefield Earth on us, maybe everyone stopped caring after a little while. Either way I can't envision why this hit the theater and didn't go straight to the sci-fi channel.

Please avoid this film in all formats so we can stop getting utter crap. The fact that anyone went and saw it is sad so please tell Hollywood it's not okay to release crap when they know it is crap.

entertainment value - .5 / 5

movie - .5 / 5

Monday, September 1, 2008

September Release Dates

Last month was very shitty. This month starts off with a decent amount of films I want to see and actually it feels very crowded. Also, the end of the month looks like utter ass and the best films seem to be limited release. I hope to bring you some of those when I head into NYC to see Katie Holmes and Patrick Wilson in some play so lets hope I do! Oh and in a review last month I asked about the next Tyler Perry film and wow, it's this month and it looks like god hates me for it...

5th - Bangkok Dangerous
12th - The Women
12th - Burn After Reading
12th - The Family that Preys
12th - Righteous Kill
19th - Lakeview Terrace
19th - My Best Friend's Girl
19th - Igor
19th - Ghost Town
26th - Miracle at St. Anna
26th - Eagle Eye
26th - Nights in Rodanthe