Blindness

After seeing the trailers for Blindness I was claiming it as the second coming of Children of Men. The film that will take all the Oscars or be robbed of them. Then I saw the film and really couldn't care less now.

The acting is decent to bad, more decent than horrid but still, it's not good to have terrible actign in spots.

The plot is inetresting. So much so that I think I'd rather check the novel out. Imagine if a white blindness hit and made almost everyone in the world blind (or somewhat close to it) and you're the only seeing person (because of your husbands blindness) and you lead them through their life.

It's an interesting concept but it never seems to know what it wants to be. Soft core porn? A little adult Salo going on. It feels all over the place and the pacing makes this 2 hour movie feel like 5.

it's a shame to because the plot is inetresting at first and then just dies away. I say give this one a pass.

Entertainment value - 1/5

movie 1/5

W

I'm not a huge fan of Bush but again I hate Oliver Stone with a passion as I find him to be a talentless hack. But hey, it's Hollywood and they greenlight anything.

With that being said I didn't want to see W. I thought it was a joke actually when I saw the poster. Well, at least the acting is decent, if not a little off.

The problem with a biopic is that Bush is still alive, he's a very common figure in American's life for the past 8 or so years and we've all heard the "facts". Who cares? I don't and this film felt like a total waste of my time but hey, so did Stone's other films so what does it matter, people still watch his piles of shit.

entertainment value - 1/5

movie - 1/5

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

It's no secret so I'll wave my freak flag here. I love High School Musical. It's so bad it's good and it feels like a clean kid friendly rocky horror minus the goth, transvestites and whatever. It just brings the cheese.

And that's okay. I've said this before but the writer/director/choreographer (it's the same guy) is a bloody genius. The lyrics are classic, the dance moves are just awe inspiring (in a so bad it's good). I will admit the tire moves were really sweet.

Efron has an awesome solo near the ending that has a Jamiraqua flavor to it that totally beats out the golf couse scene from the second film.

It's not a "good" movie when judged by the basics but it's a damn fun movie and it's a highlight of the fall. Easily the best film of october.

Entertainment Value - 5/5

movie - 4.5 /5

Saw V

Let me give you a brief run down of my Saw addiction. I've seen them all on opening day. Not only that but I hated the first one, it's a terrible film that is liked because of it's ending because the writing and acting are some of the worst to grace the sivlerscreen ever. Thought manos was bad? See the first Saw film.

I then lvoed Saw 2 and 3. 4, while good, was a bit too confusing for its own good. V picks up seconds after the 4th one ended and this time around it's kind of like a game of cat and mouse. Fine says I but the problem is that the trap hallway feels stupid and one character does something early on and then fucks it up for no reason.

The biggest flaw is the ending which is so full of ass words can't begin to describe it. The poster claimed it was an ending you couldn't believe. Yeah, I can't believe that was the ending because it ends out of nowhere, not even delivering a twist and then the credits roll and we wait a year for Saw VI, which is being casted via the VH1 show "Scream Queens", which is oddly enough highly amusing.

Entertainment value - 3/5

movie - 2/5

Nights In Rodanthe

I wanted to see this movie after I saw the preview. Yes, I hated the Notebook but this one looked good... Yeah, I should always stereotype authors because this did nothing for me.

Cut and paste run of the mill film with nothing new to offer at all. While the film offers some solid performances from the two leads I just couldn't have cared less about then.

And this film is a fine example of why my review blog is so far behind :( I saw this like 2-3 weeks ago :(

entertainment value - 2/5

movie - 2/5

Sex Drive

I had a vague inetrst in this film. It looked like Road Trip which I actually enjoyed a lot. During my Katie stalking attempt 3 I decided to see this in NYC ($12 for a mat is absurd).

Anyway, while it wasn't worth the $12 admission it's a pretty good film. It does a lot right. The jokes come often and while some things become predictable or a bit too silly, it never takes itself too serious.

I laughed a lot, the audience as a whole laughed a lot and you can't really ask for much more from a comedy. The film contains a poop joke but no fart joke so that is a plus.

Either way I'd recommend this for a quick viewing in the theater or wait for video but it was still fairly amusing.

Entertainment Value - 4/5

movie - 3.5 /5

The Express

I dislike sports. I lso dislike overused plot devies. A mentally challenged African American is a super star football player and based on a true story or not I couldn't help but not give a flying fuck. Seriously, it's absurd that people pay to see these movies over and over.

Guess what? It ends the same way as it did in the last. Inspirational my ass. Subpar acting, tired trends and I can't even recommend looking at the poster for this crap. Stop falling for it people.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5

Burn After Reading

I love the Coen Brothers and I regret taking so long to see this but I've been busy and hey, the theater is now flooded with steaming piles so it seemed like a good time to catch this one.

I wouldn't say it's their best movie and it's no oh brother but it's still an amusing film. The cast is awesome and does a great job. Some of the lines are pure gold. I felt the ending was a little weak as a whole but it was still a very entertaining film so it well rounded in all areas.

Entertainment Value - 4/5

movie - 4/5

My best Friends Girl

I thought I saw this movie last year. Maybe it was a trailer and the film just was put on a shelf somewhere. it doesn't matter though because it sucked. I'm all for R rated comedy but the f bomb keeps being dropped for no reason. It isn't even realistic, almost as if it was added in post.

The story is simple. Guy loves girl but isnt getting anywhere so he hires someone to show them how big a jerk hot guys are and so she'll become interested in our hero.

Can you guess what ends up happening? What about the ending, can you guess? Seriously, who green lights this crap. It's not original in the least and has nothing going for it but a cast that is wasted.

entertainment value - 0/5

movie - .5 /5

Max Payne

I didn't care for the games and this looked like a bleh film but it had a decent cast so I figured I'd go along for the ride. Yeah... It sucked. Besides some pretty cgi (kind of SIn City but not as good) and with a crap plot and crap everything else, it was just a total bore.

I will admit I thought this was a retelling of the original game, however it's part of a plot for the next game which I think is a dumb idea because I wouldn't want to play this turd.

That's all. I have nothing else to say about this movie. The trend continues with crappy movies based on games...

entertainment Value - 1.5 /5

movie - 1/5

Kitt Kittridge: An American Girl

This was my original downfall. The first film of the year that I missed but hey, I've got it now, just many months later.

You know what, I wanted this movie to burn in the pits of hell and then I watched it... God I can't believe I'm about to admit this but it wasn't that bad. Not good, I'll never see it again but still it was okay.

Little girls will love it. No one else will but that's okay because it suits the target audience. performances are decent, if not amusing at times for all the wrong reasons.

entertainment value - 2/5

movie - 2/5

Return to Sleepaway Camp (advance bonus review)

The original Sleepaway Camp films weren't very good. Mediocre at best and the original was only good for it's shocker ending which still haunts everyone to this day.

The original director is back for this film, which was filmed near me actually and I never knew. The problem with the film is that it not only stays true to the 80's feel of the originals but it lacks anything redeeming.

The gore is okay, only two deaths stuck out. One involving bunk beds (which could have been done better) and a Jeep death. The problem is that the deaths feel way to complicated to be possible to pull off on the spur of the moment. The Jeep one is rather complex and I can't fathom how it happened.

Fans will enjoy some cameos but the filsm biggest flaw is the questionable killer. Could the killer eb the fat annoying retard, at least I think he is retarded? Well, it doesn't matter because he is so annoying I wanted to burn the movie and every copy of it.

My other problem is the ending. The twist is so predictable that the retard mentioned in the last paragraph could have seen it coming from the first possible point. Oh well...

Entertainment Value - 1/5

movie - 0/5

Midnight Meat Train

I couldn't wait for this movie. i have a soft spot for Clive Barker and it looked pretty bloody. Well, it never left NY/LA so I didn't get the chance and you know what, that's okay because it's a hit or a miss really.

The film has blood and gore going for it but the problem is that the film feels like a rehash on itself and the ending, while grusome felt a bit too predictable, as if I'd seen it all before.

I would only recommend this to the die hard horror fans out there. otherwise I'd pass ebcause it really isn't anything special. The gore is good though.

Entertainment Value - 2.5 /5

Movie - 2/5

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

The original trailer made this look like a romantic dog comedy musical. Instead it's a ho-hum lady and the tramp story we have seen a hundred times. It's a mediocre effort all around and it's kind of sad that it opened at number one ebcause yes, American's are dumb enough to pay to see this recycled poo.

Oh well, kids should enjoy it and I guess there have been some worse films this year. it doesn't exactly have any redeeming values but it doesn't exactly offend my soul so I'll let this one slide through. Not recommended in either direction. Just meh...

Entertainment value - 2/5

Movie - 2/5

Choke

From the writer of Fight Club we get Choke. It's about a man who is a sex addict, he chokes on food to get money from people and works as a guide at a historical area to pay for his demented mothers care at a facility.

It's the typical thing you'd expect from Chuck and it really does work. The trailers had me worried but after sitting down to this a lot of the novel came back to me and it stays fairly close to the source material.

While it isn't for everyone this low budget film is highly entertaining and amusing. The audience seemed to enjoy it and the twists and turns are both shocking and hysterical all at the same time.

Entertainment Value - 3/5

Movie - 3.5/5

Fireproof

I want to thank the makers of this film because if it wasn't for this film I wouldn't have found Jesus. Yes, it's only be out a week but ti made me realize the importance of having Christ as my one and only savior.

If you haven't seen this film then you are already a sinner and will be banished to the pits of hell where you belong. The film is about a married couple. The wife wants to leave him (he's the dude from family ties or growing pains or something). And he turns to christ to help him find his way and win his woman back. Such a beautiful and touching story.
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If you believed that load of shit then you should die. This film is horrid,shoves Christ down your throat and wants you to take it like a god damn porn star. The writing is trite and riddled with cliches. The audience I saw this with loved it, laughed at the lameass jokes and were pleased when he was saved by Christ.

So FUCK YOU JESUS FREAKS. Crap like this needs to stay out of the theaters, I have no problems with religious films but these holy roller ones suck ass. Keep it at your church meetings.

entertainment value - 0/5

movie - 0/5

Igor

Back in the Spring I was at the NEw York comic con. They had flyers for this film all over. I had never heard of it and then never heard of it again until it actually hit theaters.

It's not a very good film. It's not funny, it reminds me of a fake Nightmare Before Christmas. There is even a character that looks almost spot on as the Mayor...

The animation is subpar, the singing annoying and the ploy of clcihes is more annoying than smart. Adults may find the suicidal bunny a bit too morbid as well but whatever, either way it's a meh film all around.

entertainment value - 1/5

movie - 1/5

October Release Dates

Well, the month of horror is here and well... I haven't even looked at the list so let's jump in, I bet it sucks anyway...

Actually, god damn wtf is with the 3rd O_o

3rd - Beverly Hills Chihuahua
3rd - Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
3rd - Blindness
3rd - how to lose friends and alienate people
3rd - Flash of Genius
10th - Quarantine
10th - body of lies
10th - city of ember
17th - w.
17th - sex drive
17th - max payne
17th - secret life of bees
24th - high school musical 3 (OMG YAYZ)
24th - saw 5
24th - pride and glory
31st - The Haunting of Molly Hartley
31st - Zack and Miri Make a Porno


So, besides a few films at the end of the month and Blindness it appears to eba very crowded and crappy month. Yay...

The Rocker

OMG... I never thought I'd see this (well this and Kitt Kittridge but that's hitting dvd soon yay..). Anyway, I had a few chances to see this one in the theater and I passed on it ever time ebcause it looked terrible.

And it indeed is bad. not worst film ever but it's not very good. The only thing I found amusing was the way they get discovered on youtube, which is even funnier because the video would have been deleted for adult content but whatever I guess...

Still, Raine Wilson isn't funny in this and judging by Juno and the Office he's only good when fed awesome lines which is a shame. Another amusing this is the band in the begining, the lead singer, I swear he looked like Ashton Kutcher but it sin't O_o

Anyway, skip this one. Not even worth a dvd rental. Now odner it was out of the theater in 2 weeks.

Entertainment Value - 1/5

Movie - 1/5