How She Move

How She Move came out of nowhere for me. I didn't see it on any of my normal movie sites and to be honest it's an urban dance movie so my interest would have been very low anyway.

Story follows an African American girl who has to go back to the slums of regular school after her sister OD's. She learns how to street dance to fit in. blah blah blah.

The fact that critics seemed to like this films means I can no longer trust a single critic who liked this film. I've seen better dance steps on Youtube videos which is actually kind of sad.

Not only that but the writing is horrendous. The dialog doesn't flow well and is actually painful at times.

If I wanted to watch a dance flick I'd go back to the 1980's because these new urban hip-hop dance films are terrible and this is yet another run of the mill film with a tired premise.

27 Dresses

It's been a little while since we've had a romantic comedy, or so it seems. Either way this movie looked rather amusing from the previews but that's the films downfall like so many others released this month. Yet again we see everything in the previews and what makes it worse is that this type of film tends to be rather cliched.

The cast itself does a fine job though and they try to hold the film together but the sister in the film is beyond annoying. The best friend is hysterical though and kind of makes up for that. Marsden has always annoyed me in everything and his cynical nature irked me for a while but then he kind of grew on me.

The plot is fairly simple. A woman gets paid (I guess) to be a brides amid. She has done 25 weddings and we see the next 2. Marsden plays a reporter doing an article. See, our main character is in love with her boss but her boss falls for her sister who is lying about everything just so she can net this man.

I'm sure from there you can figure out exactly where this plot is going to go. With only a few funny surprises along the way we get a run of the mill romantic comedy. It doesn't do anything too offensive but besides a cute little scene near the end the film just doesn't do anything to stick out.

Entertainment value - ** / 5

Movie - **/ 5

Untraceable

I really wanted to see Untraceable. I was having a shitty week and I just needed to see some people killed in a sadistic way. Sadly between the previews and the entire lackluster factor of the film I was left kind of empty by the end of the film.

Someone is running a site called "Watch Me Kill". He has a person hooked to a machine that will slowly kill him but they will die faster by the amount of people watching. Diane Lane plays an fbi agent who stumbles onto the site when it's only a kitten and it quickly becomes personal.

The plot is interesting but a few factors really destroy it for me. First off we see the killer very early so there is no mystery of who he is, just his reasons are a mystery so there is no real who done it because you the viewer can't figure out his story.

Next up we have the previews which show almost the entire movie except a certain plot twist that was painfully predictable. In the next breath we also have a rather bad script because the dialog is so contrived at times just so it can set up something later. it was actually painful at a certain point because it ruined, for me anyway, the films one and only twist.

Don't let me stop you from seeing this film as it has some decent deaths but I'd recommend a rental over a theatrical experience but it really isn't anything that's worthwhile.

Entertainment Value - ***/ 5

Film - ** 1/2 / 5

Bucket List

The trailers for Bucket List made it look like a sappy little flick to bring tears to your eyes. Sometimes I'm in the mood for that but maybe I wasn't when I watched this.

The cast does a fine enough job, Nicholson kind of overpowers his own role and takes it a bit too seriously. Freeman does a fine job as well and seems out be the more stable actor here.

The film follows two dying men who have created a bucket list. It's a list of things they want to do before they kick the bucket. It's a decent idea and all but as I watched the film I realized everything I saw in the previews were what was in the film.

I can't say it's a bad film though. I was slightly entertained by it and maybe it was because of the actors because the movie as a whole isn't all that grand and while I haven't seen this idea before it does feel like retreaded territory.

Entertainment Value - ** 1/2 / 5

Film - ** 1/2 / 5

The Great Debaters (Bonus Review)

The Great Debaters was a film that I had never heard of. Then out of no where there was a lot of Oscar buzz for the film. Denzel deserving an Oscar nomination for his role and Oprah claiming yet another soul in the world.

However I must say that I'm glad the film got no Oscar nominations because frankly it didn't deserve any. Denzel hams up the screen in what I consider to be one of his worst performances yet.

He takes what could be a typical role, one we've seen Mcdreamy do in Freedom Writers, and overact it to a point where he becomes annoying. Almost like that pompous ass you know who brings something to your party and hides it only to announce as he leaves that since no one drank it that he's going to just take it home then.

The film is about a group of African American debaters who end up going rather far in the world and their coach is Mr. Denzel Washington (who also directs and some how delivers nothing that is the least bit interesting to look at)

I wish I was being harsh but I'm not because this film is boring and unlike the films of this genre before it, it brings absolutely nothing new to the table so in the end we get one of the most boring underdog type stories to hit theaters in a while and with no originality to it I can't recommend this film at all.

Entertainment Value - 1/2 / 5

Movie - * / 5

Mad Money

I enjoy almost anything Queen Latifa is in and I adore Katie Holmes (except the icky Tom Cruise factor). So I knew I had to see this film even if critics hated it.

Granted this isn't the Ocean's film but you can't go int thinking that. It's a light hearted chick flick that the young and old can enjoy.

The plot is simple, the characters are likable enough (although Holmes character is a bit different and kind of eh. Basically three people who work fro the federal reserve decide to steal money. The plan isn't all the complicated but it's the interactions that make the entire film to be some friendly.

On one hand I can admit I enjoyed the film for what it was but I could have lived without seeing it in the theater. I'll probably grab the dvd once it hits the 9.99 and under price spot. I'd say save your money unless you're going on a date or you're someone older looking for a few laughs for you and your girlfriends.

Entertainment Value: ***/ 5

Movie: ** 1/2/ 5

There Will Be Blood (Bonus Review)

Welcome to the best movie of 2007. Mr. Anderson isn't one of my favorite directors and to be honest I've hated all of his films except Boogie Nights. But then I saw this film and my faith in him is restored.

The trailers for this one left me feeling empty. I had no clue what it was about. Essentially it is about a man who finds places that have oil and is one of the best drillers around. He gets a tip about this farm that may hold a ton of oil. So when he buys the land he gets more than he bargained for from the religious freaks of the town.

But I can't tell you more as there is more and what I've told you is pretty much not what the film is about. I think the film is about madness and what causes it.

I love Daniel Day Lewis because he plays totally different characters all the time and I rarely recognize him in those roles. I saw this after he got nominated for the Oscar for this role so I sat there wondering what was so good about it (it's good, don't get me wrong).

But then the third act happened. He pulls out the best performance I have ever seen during three different scenes. I sat there in awe at what I was seeing. He isn't the only amazing actor, the guy who plays Eli Sunday. His preacher moments are flat out amazing and spark with energy.

The directing is solid, it offers some of the best performances of the year and the soundtrack is down right brilliant. Do yourself a favor and see this film. Support the movies that are amazing and not the same ole run of the mill garbage we are feed all the time. Be warned though, this film is enarly 2 and a half hours long but it flew by.

Entertainment Value: ***/ 5

Movie: *****/ 5

Rambo

I'll admit it right here that I've only seen the very first Rambo film and that was within the past year. I do enjoy a kick ass action film though so I will admit my adrenaline was pumping when I went to see this.

Of course I fell asleep rather quickly in the film. The plot is painfully simple. Rambo is hired to take some people up the river, eh drops their ungrateful asses off, he heads home and half of them get slaughtered. Now Rambo is asked to lead some mercs up to rescue the survivors so it's 5 against hundreds.

Any red blood American male will love this film. Shit blows up and limbs go flying. With a death count that is almost to 300 there is a ton of violence to enjoy.

But there lies the problem with the film. The blood and guts is exaggerated so bad that any truth to it is gone. A claymore goes off an more than a mile radius is blown up. Yet no one really reacts to it.

Then we have the grand finale which is disgustingly brutal. People being disemboweled, heads blown in half, holes drilled into them. It's a ton of blood and as it splatters across the camera I couldn't help but wonder why I was watching this.

There is no point to the bloodshed. Hundreds of people die to save 5 people seems absurd and in the end it felt like I was watching Saving private Ryan all over again but with less of a cause of it all.

I can't recommend this film. It does offer a good amount of entertainment but not only is it over the top but in the end it's just soulless. But who am I kidding, a lot of the people in the audience were clapping and hooting after each fight sequence so by all means rot your brain some more but I'd rather watch this at home than on the big screen.

Entertainment value: ***1/2 / 5

Movie: **1/2 / 5

Meet The Spartans

The past few spoofs have been horrid to say the least. Date Movie made no sense at all and felt like a bunch of SNL skits. Then we got Epic Movie which as a whole wasn't too horrible but wasn't good either. So when I saw there was a Meet the Spartans a tiny bit of me died.

And here we are. I started this Friday which a giant turd. There I said it, the movie sucks. Did I laugh yes but it was exactly funny stuff. Do you imagine Carmen Electra turning into Venom and beating up a guy who can turn into sand funny? How about when he's turned to sand and a cat poops in him? Or how she sucks him up with a vacuum cleaner?

None of it is funny. That Britney Spears scene? It goes on forever and then we get K-Fed, American idol, Sangia or however you spell him name and it gets even worse.

But wait, it gets worse. The Spartans are all flaming homosexuals (NOTE: Nothing wrong with homosexuals). In fact there is a scene when they head off to war, hold hands and sing I Will Survive and dance there way out to war. Not only that but they claim that to shake a hand is how woman great and spartan men kiss other men as a greeting.

Oh yes, it's that bad. Then imagine a dance off ala You Got Served and then the guy from Borat ripping a nipple off.

Does any of this sound funny? If it is then maybe you need to find a mental institute because you need some serious help.

Please don't support this film. I can't imagine the others doing well enough to warrant this "sequel" but then when product placement is shoved down your throat (thanks gateraid, Apple, and the countless other company's that sold their soul to this piece of shit film.

Entertainment Value: **/ 5

Movie: 1/2* / 5

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie

I actually enjoyed the original Veggie Tales movie (Jonah) despite it being all religious and be being the only member of NOR. So i was kind of excited to see this one and yet none of my friends were...

So while I felt a bit weird sitting in this film full of small children (ages 2-5) I must say they were pretty well behaved. Although near the end I was getting restless and a few of the kids were wandering their aisles.

The story is simple. A Prince is taken by an evil man in the 17th century so his sister sends an orb for help. Jump to the present day and Larry and his two friends work for a pirate themed dinner and a show place. They want to be in the show but the one is lazy, the one is scared of everything and the other is old. They end up fired and find the orb where they are sent back in time to save the prince. The plot is simple and for the first 30 minutes or so I was bored.

The film really isn't very funny like the other VT film was and to be honest it's weird that the tomato is nowhere to be seen in the movie itself. Also, the movie has very few musical numbers but the ones it does have are highly amusing. I like the lazy song.

It's a very family safe film but it has no religious overtones at all which surprised me but if my memory serves me right then I think the tv show was edited down to get rid of the religious tones as well so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'd recommend this film to parents looking for a film to take their kids to for their first theater experience. The other kids and parents seem understanding and it seemed to hold their attention fairly well.

Entertainment Value - **/ 5

Film - ** 1/2 / 5

The Orphanage (Bonus Review)

The Orphanage is the latest creation from the guy who brought us Pan's Labyrinth. He didn't direct this one but you wrote and produced it. Instead a new director worked on this film but really I wouldn't have known that.

The cinematography is beautiful and the use of lighting in the scenes near the end is amazing. Not only that but the films locations are perfect and rival those in Pan's.

The film is entirely in Spanish but it didn't bother me once. It just felt natural from the get go. I had actually seen no previews for this film. A co-worker said it looked great and then I saw who was connected to it and I had to see it. All I knew was that it was ghost story.

A woman grew up in an orphanage and thirty years later she moves into the old house with her husband and son. They plan to take in some challenged kids and recreate the old days. But then something happens. Something creepy and she haunted by it for rest of the film. I won't go any further but the film creates one of the creepiest atmospheres in a film yet. If I had to compare this to another film I'd say it's a lot like The Shinning. If you play video games I'd say it's a cross between The Rule of Rose and one other game whose name alludes me at the moment but the resemblance is amazing between the different types of story.

Instead of producing jumping scares the film uses twisted images to creep you out. The later part of the film had me on the edge of my seat and despite figuring out what was going to happen I must admit I was still taken back by it all.

The Orphanage is a fantastic film. Perhaps the best horror film to come out in a very long time but it isn't your typical horror film. The actors do a great job of making these characters feel real and I can't help but notice that a number of recent films seem to have stronger characters than anything else.

Entertainment Value - **** / 5

Film - *****/ 5

First Sunday

I'll admit it, I thought the preview for this film was actually funny but then I saw it and so far this is easily the worst film I've seen in 2008 in the theater.

Besides the first two Friday films and most Tyler Perry films I really don't care for the comedies aimed at the African American audiences. But they weren't even laughing at this film. I believe I may have chuckled once at some queer line by the now required homosexual character in every comedy.

The plot is simple. Two guys need some money so they decide to rob a church but then they run into a load of issues with whiny annoying religious types. Not only does 99.9% of the jokes fall flat but the characters aren't even likable.

To add an insult to my mind numbing experience I had to suffer through what one may call acting which is done by Tracy Morgan. He wasn't funny on Saturday Night Live and he sure as hell wasn't funny in this film. Hell, half the time he's starring directly into the camera. What the hell!

Save your money because you're not missing anything here. One of the worst films of 2008 and judging by the previews I saw today it won't be the last of them.

Entertainment Value - */ 5

Film - */ 5

Cloverfield

What can a person say about Cloverfield that's new or the east bit original? It's the movie that haunted everyone for almost a year. What is Cloverfield. Once we found it that it was a monster flick it all came down to what the monster was.

What is it? I can't tell you. I would love to but it's one of the things that makes the film so chilling and indeed it is chilling. Maybe it's because I've been to New York many times and there's just something wrong about seeing the streets so desolate.

The film opens with a private look into the lives of two people. It then jumps to a party a month or so later. The guy we saw in the beginning is moving to Japan so his friends and family are throwing a party. During this party a few secrets come out and we learn to actually like these characters.

It's the key factor that makes this film work. All of the characters are likable and as it goes on you can't help but like them. They act like a normal person would. Even Hud the camera man is very likable and I think he's the one we care about the most.

The film is shot ala Blair Witch Project but it makes this all the more real. In a time where Youtube rules I couldn't help but feel that hey, maybe, just maybe this is all real.

Midway through the movie I felt my heart sink into my stomach. The monster has been shown and it looked nothing like the spoilers I had heard and seen. It looked wickedly cool but something else was forcing my heart into my stomach.

Something about this film works. I can't sit here and tell you what it is but this is my favorite movie of 2008 so far and I know it's only just started but I see this as this years Transformers.

Entertainment Value - *****/ 5

Film - *****/ 5

The Kite Runner (Bonus Review)

Kite Runner was one of those books everyone kept recommending to me. By the time I finally was going to read it I heard the movie was on its way so I figured I'd rather see the movie first. However after seeing the film I have no real interest in the novel.

Don't get me wrong the story itself is rather good, if not simple. It does offer one surprising plot twist but besides that it really didn't do anything all that interesting.

My main problem though is with the main character when he is a child. He's this arrogant little asshat and the things he does during the film just annoyed me. My co-workers tell me it's handled better in the book, as it showed signs of regret but in the movie he comes off as a total jerk and just isn't likable.

Fair warning to those who are going to see the film, it is about 85% subtitled which set me back at first as I didn't really give it much though. It's fine though as I never had trouble reading the sub and it was natural after a while (unlike some other foreign language films).

The entire cast does a fine job and it's a beautiful film to watch (well, as much beauty as you can probably find over there) but I can't help but be annoyed by the main character. It almost ruined the entire movie for me but in the end the character redeems himself but we shouldn't hate this child.

Fans of the novel should give this film a go. It really is worth seeing and if you hate reading then see this movie (despite the subs) because it's a good story.

Entertainment Value - ****/ 5

Film - **** / 5

One Missed Call

I saw the original Japanese version of One Missed Call almost a year ago. To be honest I just didn't see how this film would work as an American remake. They tend to be hit (The Ring) or miss (Pulse).

I'll admit it right here that I actually enjoyed this film. It's not exactly good per say but it had some entertainment value to it. See, the real problem with the film is that it tries to hard to be different but remain the same. Some things just don't work. None of these characters really think the thing is a joke once they get the call. None of them realize they are doing just as the call says and then they are dead and it just doesn't matter.

The final problem I had is the end of the movie. It tries to be original by changing the ending up but it's too American. Now I haven't seen the Japanese sequel but I doubt if it's opening plays out liek this ones ending.

I also read somewhere that the director of this film (whose French and should explain this well) didn't see the original film. On one hand I can see why one would want to do this but I think along the way he loses sight of the films message and instead we get another Dark Water on our hands where the small changes just don't cross over well.

Still, it's a mildly entertaining film. It's an alright date movie but the scares are minimal. Still, I've seen much worse come out so this is one of the better (if only slightly) remakes of a Japanese film to hit theaters in the past 3 years.

Entertainment Value - *** /5

Film - *** /5

Atonement (Bonus Review)

Atonement had intrigued me since the original trailer was shown but my enthusiasm for the film dropped when someone I know said it just wasn't all that good. In the end I forced myself to see it the night it won the Golden Globe for best picture (but I found out it won after I saw it).

The plot is simple. A young girl witnesses something and it confuses her so she ends up making a terrible mistake. It's a love story though but there's something about this film that is just amazing.

The cast does a terrific job of bringing the characters to life and the younger stars look a lot like their grown up counterparts which isn't always the case. But even those young stars give an amazing performance.

The film does have a few flaws though. The middle is almost like a war film. A boring one at that but it doesn't ruin the film, just slows it down a little and changes the pace. But once I saw the ending the film wouldn't be half as amazing without that middle. It just clicks and I was honestly blown away by the end.

My only other complaint is with the director himself. We see the events earl in the film through the girls eyes. Which works because we aren't given all of the details. But immediately after she sees these things it jumps to the truthful perspective so it kind of ruins the innocence of the character.

No matter how I look at this film I can't help but feel that it is very close to being the best film released in 2007. It's a shame that we didn't get it in 2007 but late is better than never. Atonement gets a very high recommendation from me and I'm actually about to start the novel because I liked it that much.

Entertainment - ****/5

Film - *****/5

Charlie Wilson's War (Bonus Review)

I didn't really want to see this one. I love Tom Hanks and all but the plot didn't interest me. However my schooling was full of ignorance so I actually knew nothing of this story so it was at least worth my time in that way.

Based on a true story about a man who helps the Middle East get there hands on weapons, all happening with America's own money. I had no idea about this time in history but I was a very small child at the time this all took place.

The film has an all star cast with Tom hanks and Julia Roberts leading the way and Philip Seymour Hoffman providing a fantastic supporting performance. Not only that but we have a fine cast of young ladies playing the role of Mr. Wilson's aids.

But despite all of that I wasn't exactly entertained by the movie. Don't get me wrong it's a fine enough film but it just didn't click with me. But maybe it's because I was expecting a little more from the guy who gave us Closer.

I'm going to recommend passing this one up in the theater and catching it on video. It's fairly short for a drama and it just isn't entertaining enough to worth the ticket price.

Entertainment Value - **/5

Film - ***1/2 / 5

Juno (Bonus Review)

Juno was most my anticipated film of 2007 but my theater was slacking and didn't get it until early January 2008. This was my second film of 2008 and it truly made up for that Dungeon Siege film.

I'm sure everyone knows the story of Juno but in case you don't, it's about a 16 year old girl who gets pregnant and decides to give the baby up for adoption. Her friend helps her find a couple in the Penny Saver (the local want ads) and she likes them enough to go through with it.

That's the basic outline and while some may find the movie predictable it really doesn't matter. Juno is about it's dialog. With a sleek repertoire of Valley Girl slang, we get perhaps the most refreshing script in a long time. The jokes come full force and they really hold nothing back. And it isn't vulgar jokes like you find in American Pie but just witty dialog paths and phrases that make this a worth while viewing.

The film also features a very pleasing soundtrack. Not since Snakes on a Plane have I wanted to go out and buy the soundtrack immediately. It just adds so much to the film and every song fits each moment it's used for.

Juno is easily one of my top 5 films from 2007 and it's a great addition to my 2008 line up. This film comes highly recommended.

Entertainment Value - ****/5

Film: /5

In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Starting the year off with a bang. I love Uwe Boll. There's no real reason but I've seen all of his films on opening day so I knew I wanted to start the year off with this film.

It's actually kind of amusing but I was actually bored at first with this film. It was bland visually and the dialog was just as bad. The poor acting wasn't helping either.

People always wonder why big name actors like Jason Statham, Ron Pearlman and Leelee Sobieski (anyone remember when she had a promising career and then she did The Wickerman remake). The reason that these actors do Boll's films is because it allows them to just ham it up. I'm sure it must get boring being serious all the time so why not let it out and just ham it up.

With that being said though I must admit I think this is Bolls best film yet. It doesn't have the cheesy gun fights of House of the Dead or the naked vampire sex of Bloodrayne but what it does have is some decent fight scenes that aren't quiet epic but really fun. The elves of the forst added great amusement.

Sadly the people in the theater weren't finding the movie as amusing as I was. The script is laughable and in more ways than one. But that's okay because after the first half hour this turns into a weak version of Lord of the Rings. A race to save a loved one instead of a race to throw a ring into a volcano.

No matter how much I enjoyed the film I can't sit here and lie to you and say it's a good film. It's not and I doubt if Uwe Boll will ever create a good film. His films are purely egotistical and that's okay because I know his films will bring me a great amount of amusement and it's always for the wrong reasons but I think that is why he does these film.

All I can say is bring on Seed! It's the second of three Boll films to be released this year.

Entertainment factor: ****/5

Movie: /5

January Titles & Dates

I'm stealing the idea of this blog from someone else. I never post real blogs anyway so this should be interesting. Unlike the other blog I do not work at a theater so I pay to see all of these films.

I'll only be mentioning the major releases. Small or independent films will be neglected from the release schedule. However, that doesn't mean I won't be seeing those if they come my way.

I also plan to write a short review of each film I see.

So without further adieu here is the release schedule for January 2008.

One Missed Call - 4th
First Sunday - 11th
In The Name of the King - 11th
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything - 11th
27 Dresses - 18th
Cloverfield - 18th
Mad Money - 18th
Meet The Spartans - 25th
Rambo - 25th
Untraceable - 25th
How She Move - 25th